Just a little something I feel the uninitiated or unobservant (no offense) might not notice but deserves attention and appreciation. Finally, the "X-Factor." This is something I like to put in my reviews to separate it from all the others. Look at the Wii! So much innovation there, I'm almost embarrassed to admit the things those guys got me to do). Enjoyable, but repetitive (I mean seriously, when are developers going to truly innovate and stop making games that encourage me to abuse myself sexually? I mean, come on guys, there's more to games than just violence. The gameplay was a simple button mashing affair (as with most games I play, I jam the controller into my groin as hard as I can until I've either fractured my pelvic bone or achieved a milk shake ). Honestly, I had to make my own soundtrack (a mixture of whale-calls and modernized Victorian-era smooth jazz-funk) just to fill the air with something other than the screams of my loved ones (there was a fire, I believe I mentioned that). I mean, where did this bar come from, what was it's purpose, it's drive? There was no character development, and the characterization was flat (it did, however, manage to make me smile more than once). There was a bar that slowly but surely became solid green. Anyway, who says you can't judge something, for better or worse, without ever actually having any experience with it (well, except the installation process. I'll have to update my review when I remember. Isn't that funny when that happens? When you can't recall the specific thing of which you have a gold-plated fleet? I slap my knee when that happens.
You'd think I would since they're all plated in gold. I can't seem to remember what I have a fleet of. I still have my health (except for this accursed black lung), and my fleet of gold.
My family's dead, the house is gone, and my sweet, sweet X1/DOS setup is now nothing more than ashen stardust. So, suffice to say, I've never played this. The game booted up (I play exclusively through a custom DOS program I designed whilst experiencing some crazed fever-dream brought on by the consumption of massive amounts of LSD and candy corn), I typed in the appropriate command prompts, and BOOM! My house exploded. So, fortunately, the game had finished installing just as I had finished lathering myself in lamb's blood (which is really nice, highly recommended) as a part of my pre-game ritual (this practice wasn't unique to this game, rather it's a common practice for me although, honestly, I felt rather silly doing this before playing Katamari Forever ). No, this The Evil Within was a game I purchased to experience for myself, not as some flimsy gift to quietly break down a loved one's psyche. The Evil Within was a game I purchased to experience for myself, not as some flimsy gift to quietly break down a loved one's psyche.
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